What I Learned From A Year At Home With My Toddler
Like millions of other families in the US and around the world, our family was left in an impossible situation last year. We had two parents working full-time jobs and a young child who was decidedly not able to take care of or entertain himself for any amount of time. We had lost our child care - our beloved daycare family, our lifeline of support to make our dual careers possible, our son’s main outlet for learning and social development.
On the whole we were fortunate. My husband and I kept our jobs (at least temporarily). We had the flexibility to work from home and adjust our hours. We had food and shelter and a relative ability to keep our family safe and healthy. But we entered a situation we never expected, and frankly never signed up for, of working full-time while also becoming full-time caregivers.
From the beginning of March through the end of July, my husband and I each averaged about 40 hours of work plus 40 hours of childcare per week. Our “free” time was non-existent. We were not doing puzzles or learning how to make sourdough bread. Though there was lots of wine, as I recall. In July I lost my full-time job - a blessing in disguise as it allowed me to start Christina Bruno & Co - something I have wanted to do for a long time. But I also became our son’s full-time caregiver while I tried to start this business, mostly because it seemed more feasible than continuing our split schedule of caregiving. Thankfully, we were able to bring on a part-time babysitter in September, and our son just returned to full-time daycare in March 2021.
The past year of juggling work and caring for our son has been a journey, for sure. I spent most of the time stressed, exhausted, and anxious about the future. My mental and physical health suffered, and I often wondered about the effect this had on my son. But in many ways I was also incredibly lucky to have experienced my son’s growth and learning in a way I otherwise wouldn’t have.
I’d also like to think I witnessed my own growth during this time - as a parent and a fully-present human. There were certainly many downsides of the past year, but here are a few of the highlights I experienced that I hope to carry forward:
The value of play
The moments I spent on the floor with my son - toys in hand, cellphone nowhere in sight - were some of the happiest moments of the year. Watching my son make up games and learn new things was such a welcome distraction from everything else going on in the world. Building forts and playing hide and seek offered a much needed dose of serotonin to fight all the cortisol building in me. We also spent hours upon hours taking walks outside and sitting in parks to escape our 900 sf apartment and keep our distance from others. My appreciation for a little fresh air and sun on your skin grew immensely. I’m sure I will cherish these moments for years to come, and I hope my son and I will continue to find ways to escape our worries together in new and unpredictable ways.
The value of clear communication
Our son essentially entered toddlerhood on day one of the pandemic lockdown. At fourteen months he was moving around a ton and feeling lots of emotions, but he barely had any words to express himself. There were many moments of frustration (for both of us) that were only resolved as I learned to listen very closely, read his cues carefully, and help him communicate his needs more clearly. Did you know parenthood is actually the only time in life other than early childhood when your brain has the potential to transform? New parents can become more collaborative, better at problem solving, and more productive and effective. I have certainly felt this ability to grow and respond in new ways over the past year. It’s a great lesson not just for parents but also for business leaders, managers, or anyone building relationships with others. It’s not always 100% effective, but my son and I have built a stronger bond this year by tuning into each other's needs and figuring out how to communicate with each other.
What it means to be resilient
Finally, I learned a thing or two about resilience from my little guy. Sure, he’s two and probably didn’t understand much of what was happening this past year, but he still rolled with everything in a way that made me pause and admire his resilience over and over again. His daily routines were disrupted on many occasions. He moved to a new home in a new town like it was nothing. He went from full-time daycare, to spending all day with mom and dad, to a new babysitter, and back to daycare with virtually no problems. I was particularly nervous about his return to daycare. I stressed about it for weeks, if not months. It wasn’t easy when we trusted our four-month-old with near strangers at our first daycare, but it was mostly my own emotions I had to deal with. There wasn’t much our son could do to protest. But the thought of dropping our 26-month-old off at a place he’d never been to with people he’d never met was terrifying to me. I suspected he would enjoy it eventually but was gearing up for at least a few weeks of tears (his and mine). I thought I was feeling fear and sadness on his behalf. To my surprise he adjusted right away, and the fear was only mine. He even seemed excited to be there. I guess games and art projects with other kids are more fun than hanging out at home all day? This kid’s resilience is amazing, and he’s only two. It’s been a reminder to me that new experiences can be scary and make you nervous, but they can also be exhilarating and enjoyable.
Ok brb while I wipe my tears. It’s been such a wild year. And I know we aren’t out of the woods just yet. But it feels like this impossible phase of managing full-time work and at least part-time childcare has come to an end for our family. I hope we remember to value our time together as well as the many talents and contributions of our daycare and school staff. I hope we all keep giving each other a break and keep applying the lessons we’ve learned once we move beyond this strange phase in our lives.
